CLIMBING OUT OF THE WORRY TRAP

Worrying has become a national pastime. Whether you’re worrying about paying the bills, having a stable job, or raising children, you’re not alone. 

Breaking the cycle of obsessive worrying is difficult because our brains are wired to worry. Basically, the same brain circuits that allow you to make decisions, solve problems and plan, also produce worry. For your brain, the only difference between planning and worrying is the amount of emotional involvement. Of course, we all know that worrying is charged by more negative emotions. 

Worry arises when the brain anxiety circuits activate too frequently and get stuck in the “on” position. This triggers the body’s fear response leading to the activation of our stress response starting a downward spiral that can lead you feeling overwhelmed and miserable.

HOW TO CLIMB OUT OF THE WORRY TRAP: You can take concrete steps to climb out of the worry trap. You have to learn to soothe and guide your thinking brain and calm its fear circuit. 

1. SET A WORRY TIME.

I know it sounds weird, but it’s highly effective. Worry can hijack our minds for hours and even days at a time. Setting a worry time can empower you to postpone your worries until a designated time so that you can participate in your life more effectively. Your worry time can be anytime during the day when you can focus, but make sure it’s at least one to two hours before bed. All you need for worry time is pen and paper. Remember to always worry with a pen in  your hand! 

2. NAME YOUR WORRY AND EMOTIONS. 

The first step in decreasing worry is to recognize that it’s happening. Becoming aware of your situation and emotional state in real time, enables your thinking brain and calms the fight or flight response. Writing down what you’re worried about in detail and labeling your emotions (fear, anger, sadness, hopeless, etc) helps take the power out of worry.

3. TAKE A DEEP BREATH (IDEALLY MANY OF THEM). 

You may have heard by a loved one before that when you feel overwhelmed to take a deep breath. While this unsolicited advice may have felt unhelpful in the moment, research shows that this is in fact effective.

Taking slow, deep breaths through your nose into your diaphragm with slow exhales (like you’re blowing through a straw) turns down your nervous system and activates your body’s relaxation response. This advice sounds simple, but it’s surprisingly effective. Practice breathing for a given amount of time (such as 5 minutes) or a number of repetitions (7 to 8).

4. BEWARE OF TIME TRAVELING AND BE PRESENT. 

When you start to worry, do you ever find your mind starting to drift into the past or even the future? While some may call this “planning ahead,” it often creates a sense of danger and uncertainty. In times of worry or heightened emotion, come back to the present moment, right here right now, a practice known as mindfulness. At this moment, you are OK. Bringing your awareness back into the present calms the fearful brain and activates your thinking brain. Studies show that repeated mindfulness practice can lead to long term, lasting reduction of anxiety and worrying.

So when you are worried, come back to the present, for tomorrow will take care of itself. 

5. FOCUS ONLY ON WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL. 

We are humans that crave control; it’s how our brains are wired. More control means our brain (and us) will feel happier and calmer, even if it is just an illusion. Feeling in control can reduce anxiety, worry, and even pain. In times like these, avoid imagining the worst possible scenarios, and instead pay more attention to what is within your control right now. Practice this by writing down what is and is not within your control.

6. BREAK THE CYCLE WITH ONE DECISION. 

Make a plan by writing a list of things you can do to address your worry. Make ONE decision to take the first step. Simply making ONE decision about whatever it is that you’re worrying about invokes your thinking brain, increases dopamine levels, and shifts your brain’s perceptual focus on things that matter the most. Making a decision also elevates your perceived control giving you confidence and mood a boost, which helps you to move forward. 

7. GO FOR GOOD ENOUGH. 

Worrying is often triggered by imposing unrealistic or perfectionist expectations on yourself or others. Don’t aim for being the perfect parent; just be a good one. You don’t have to have the perfect job, just a good enough job. You don’t have to be the best at something, just good enough. 

When you loosen worry’s grip, you create space — space to breathe, to think clearly, and to live in the present instead of the “what if.” Freedom isn’t about controlling everything; it’s about trusting yourself to handle what comes. Let go of perfect, choose good enough, and step forward — lighter, calmer, and free.